piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
