so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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