I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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