we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
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After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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