I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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