Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize