I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
