How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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