I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
