I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
