your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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