my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
