Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
