Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
