mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
