my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
