Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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