Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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