I bet he comes in French.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
