I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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