Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
