Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
