All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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