You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
