one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
