You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
