remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
