I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
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If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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