There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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