Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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