After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
