a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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