I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i permit you to call me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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