I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
