I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
