your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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