are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
