you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
