I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
