i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
