he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
