I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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