We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
