and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
