Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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