he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
