you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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