so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
