it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
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just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
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i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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