i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
