Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
