I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
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Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize