On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
