i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
