so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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