Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
