I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
