I could make wine with my vomit
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
