I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's shark week go big or go home
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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