I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
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She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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