I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
