Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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