So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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