I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
