just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
