I think i peed on brittanys purse
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
