Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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