Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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