ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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