My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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