Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
