If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
